So this might be my most personal moment with you all so bare with me! Maybe grab a glass of wine or even a tissue lol
I DO has a meaning to me that is more than the words, its more of a putting self first. Getting down to the nitty gritty about what I DO like and love, what I DO want, who I DO want in my personal space and how I DO want to be treated.
The truth of it all is...in order for me to answer my I DO questions I went through some ISH!
What I Do like and love:
During undergrad I didn't have that mentor or someone older than me to help me figure it out. I knew I loved the fashion and beauty industry and I loved marketing. Knowing that I loved the two there wasn't a dean or anyone else to tell me how to combine them. Let's face it at 17 you just don't know it all! I didn't have the dream internship that put me in the hands of Teen Vogue or Glamour...heck or working for Nieman Marcus in corporate. I felt really lost and not accomplished. I changed my major TWICE and I was not feeling it. I found in my final semesters of undergrad that I had a love for representing brands and creative projects. I went into an internship turned job that put me in front of a lot of BIG PEOPLE, I learned a lot and really had a great hands on experience. That single opportunity allowed me to be in the position I am in today and I am forever grateful for both of my bosses for the lessons and really being forced to step away and move forward. They helped me realize " when your time is up" move on. I can stand firm and say I am HAPPY with my job ( no matter how hard my brain hurts at 5 pm) and I am appreciated for my contribution and that is HUGE for me! I finally am able to put my love for beauty, fashion and marketing all in one and I couldn't be more elated.
What I DO want:
What I do want is to always be the best version of me, happy, financially stable and to always be unapologetic.
I felt myself trying to fit in with people not knowing I am really the ISH and I do not have to change how I am to be accepted.
My happiness has been stripped so many times by people close to me. But what I learned in every situation that nobody can take your happiness if you are happy with yourself. Yes, they can do something that makes you upset but do not allow that to take the total sum of your happiness and DO NOT harp on an issue. Misery loves company and miserable people will try it, chhhiiilleeee will they try it!
My finances are really important to me, lets face it we all like nice stuff! I have had times when I would look at my account and the number just wasn't right for the work I was doing. ( I know we have all been under paid and over worked) I have had to ask my parents for money and they knew I was working and dealing with the question " What did you spend your money on" which I hate, was the worst! But, when asking someone else for money you have to explain that. Understand the phrase " know your worth" and LIVE BY IT! I can not stress that, if you are good at what you do and someone needs you to do it YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO ASK FOR THE AMOUNT YOU WANT!
Protect your finances and secure the BAG!
I AIN'T SORRY! At 25 I refuse to say sorry for anything I am not sorry for i.e. BEING LAUREN CATHERINE! I have spent so much time saying sorry for simply being me or feeling how I feel. People sometimes feel you have to march to the beat of their drum and be tailored to fit them, ABSOLUTELY NOT! I will be marching to my beat and tailored to fit myself! If it doesn't work for that person, OH WELL! My parents have done a fantastic job at raising me and I will not altar it for someone who is simply incapable and uncomfortable with themselves. I will not apologize for being myself, after all the total sum of me works for masses MOST importantly it works for ME!
My Personal Space:
My personal space is my most intimate space and what I allow or who I allow in my personal space can consume me.
My personal space is like my home its comforting, loving, warm and honest. What I have learned is its ok to eliminate people or things from that space and its ok to say no you can not come in my home. Now, I am so very sweet I have that honest from my mom, but one thing that she has taught me is, its ok to say no. Everyone and everything are just not welcomed and THAT'S OK! I am huge on having positive energy in my space and I am a advocate of saying no.
My personal space deserves things and people who are similar to me to be in it.
Protect your space and your peace of mind.
If I had a penny for every time someone asked me " where does your confidence come from" I would be rich.
The truth is, I had to work had to become her and I when say work hard.. I MEAN JUST THAT!
Growing up I have always heard you are so pretty a million times and I knew I was. My mom always made sure I knew how beautiful from the inside out ( thank you mommy). But once I got in grade school I didn't feel so pretty. I was bullied, called names, boys trying to fight me, girls being mean and saying mean things. I probably went home crying every single day. It did damage to my self-esteem, I felt like my mom was not being honest because kids at school were just down right mean! In high school I didn't have those issues lol! I was the cutie pie walking the halls and I knew it lol!
That all changed when I got in college, I was still with my high school sweet heart who had every female and he was a flirt. But the damage hit me the night he physically abused me because I asked him about a girl calling his phone. I could not believe him of all people did what he did to me I was so hurt. I felt like woahhhhh what the hell! Am I not good enough, not pretty enough? I was hurt and kept saying to myself what in the whole hell is going on, I felt lost. It was like my most trusted person put his hands on me over a female! I had bruises from my shoulder to my waist, a knot on my head and a sprained wrist. OVER A FEMALE! TUH!
After that saga ended, I took some time and I started dating again.
This relationship was one for the books. Probably the relationship I am most thankful for because I learned a lot.
I was, in my opinion pissed on and told it was raining.
That relationship broke me to the core, so bad to the point my mom did not think I could bounce back from it. Here yet again a person I trusted hurt me. I did a lot of crying, cursing and yelling and in some way I felt like it was normal for things like this to happen. I was just happy he was not kicking my butt! I argued with someone for 2- 3 years, I felt like I was not enough and I was publicly embarrassed.
It took for my aunt and uncle to come to my mothers house only for me to open the door at 2 pm on a hot summer day looking like who shot John and why. I was hysterical and all I could do was cry and I cried every day after that. This person abused my heart which is my personal space.
I had to pick myself up and work hard to be who I am today. I had shit to finish and that was my degree!
My confidence comes from being hurt and broken to the core. It took a lot of prayer, my mom and the women in my family and most importantly ME to get to this point.
I know how I DO want to be treated because of those situations.
I share this with you all to say, no matter the situation it will work its self out. Most importantly it will be okay.
My I DO's are my vows to me.
Until I have to write vows to someone else, those are the I Do's I will not break.
Write your I Do's and live by them every single day from here on out!